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Perpetual Inactivity

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Hello everyone. I bought a new keyboard today so I thought what better way to take it for a spin than to sit down and write something. So here I am, I've got slow jazz playing in the background, a new keyboard to type on and absolutely nothing to write about, and that's the problem.

Have you ever met one of those people who are always doing something? Be it something pertaining to work, or hobbies or just going out and having fun. They're always out and about, always trying to squeeze as much out of life as possible. Well, I'm not one of those people, although I would love to be. I'm sick and tired of myself responding to "so, how's it going?" with "you know, same old." I'm a young man and yet it seems like I'm already living the life of a retired pensioner. Isn't that a little sad?

Of course, another big part of why I respond to that question the way I do might be because the things I actually do in my daily life are most likely of little to no interest to most of my friends. I very rarely befriend people with whom I have a lot in common. I don't know if that's on purpose or not, but generally my friends and I are completely different, from beliefs and opinions to the very fundamentals of how we live our lives. I guess that's what makes those friendships engaging, though. The fact that we lead very different lives make for interesting conversations and insights, but it still feels sad not to be able to bring anything to the table.

My typical day goes a little like this. I wake up, it's most likely already past noon, so I jump straight to lunch and then sit around on my computer, in the evening I might go for walk, then I come back home, have dinner and sit on the computer some more until I fall asleep. Rinse and repeat, the pattern is very rarely broken. Is it any surprise, then, that I find it difficult to talk about what's going on with me? It's probably because *nothing* is going on with me, and I don't know what to do about it.

I think much of it has to do with responsibilities, I have virtually none. No school, no job, no nothing. Thankfully that will change come September, and there's a part of me that says I should cherish times like these where I'm free to do what I want and am not bogged down by responsibilities and put into a repetitive routine. Only problem is that this freedom has indeed put me in a routine of my own making, one that I could seemingly very easily get myself out of, but somehow don't know how.

I know what you're thinking. In a list of first world problems, my problem probably takes the cake by far. But it is what it is, I suffer from an unwillingness to get out and do something new, experience something for the first time. It doesn't have to be the way it is right now, from bed to computer and from computer to bed. It is very frustrating to have a problem with a solution so simple, and yet I can't seem to put it into motion.

Does anyone else ever feel like that? Like they're stuck in a routine that they are perfectly capable of getting out of, yet can't for some reason?

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Blog: Perpetual Inactivity

Top Comments

10
Star.Sapphire9343
Yep. I wake up thinking I want to audition for Naked And Afraid. 15 minutes later I forget about it. Then I browse KAT and do stuff, can't remember what. Then 48-72 hours later I go to sleep. nerd
8
[PICA]3506
absolutely except that ime the unwillingness is fear of vulnerability that new experiences bring and the risk of exposing oneself in order to seek them

but i'm only a magpie, what do i know

Last edited by [PICA], 2 days ago

7
Starhammer2638
Yeah,we all get like that from time to time,thing is,how many of us do actually do something about it?
I can't say much,as I'm now 46,unhappily married,with a lazy indifferent daughter,and I drive a bus.On average I finish work around 22:30,come home,have something to eat,and then spend until about 04.00/05.00 on my pc,watching anime,playing games,or mostly(quite a lot lately)on KAT,reading blogs,downloading,or replying to messages.
In general I don't have a life,but I've been thinking recently I want to get a bike,go see that horizon over there,get rid of this extra bit of weight(its not much,but it showslol) etc etc.
Maybe I'll get round to doing it,and maybe next year,or the yr after,I'll go on that trip to Japan I've always wanted.
It's all there,in the future,you just gotta go and make it happen.
Or so I keep telling myselfdull
to quote Talk Talk "Baby, life's what you make it / Can't escape it"-Well,you can,but I've had my fill of funerals latelyno
Sorry if I sound a bit morose,thats just me,at the momentevil

Last edited by Starhammer, 2 days ago

6
BluA50.96K
If you don't feel like changing anything, then you won't. Unfulling.. yes, but it is what it is. But time moves fast and in a year from now you'll think back to this moment of time and you'll hopefully smile and think of all the changes that's happened within that year and you'll remember how you felt right now. think

I know this sounds soooo cliche but everything that happens in life is a helpful life lesson for the future. You'll understand what I mean one day. loveliness

None of that helps what you are going through right now, but remember change is inevitable.. nothing stays the same for long.

All Comments

I was in a similar situation.

Finally got a little part time job and life is a lil more fulfilling. At least those 2 days don't turn into "what's the most esoteric/indie/atypical piece of media I can consume."

Appreciate this time for what it is though. Some weeks I am busy everyday and I really hate it, lol.

Last edited by gnu_cat, yesterday

True, my seemingly always busy friends don't always enjoy it, so I might just be romanticizing something just because I don't have it.

Also, nothing wrong with indie comics and such lol

It's called "getting into a rut" by us old folks and we've all been there, especially us who are single and live alone.
If things are going to change in September then revel in your rut and make it yours, but if it continues to bother you try tagging along with some friends or think about hanging and helping at local food banks or shelters, you'd be surprise at the array of interesting people you meet and how time flies.
Or you could just spam my wall like everybody elsesmile

Last edited by ZombieQueen, yesterday

HOORAY, I don't have to carry out my harsh and nefarious threat!

Newton's 1st law also applies to my ass. I have largely been okay with either inertia or motion...until the choice got taken away (a little health hiccup). So the last nine months have been a challenge...but when there are days when motion is on the menu....I am fucking moving. And I feel like a dick for not realizing that the CHOICE itself is precious.
Glad to hear you're making the most of it when you can. :)

You will find your place in life soon enough- you have literally just finished college last week, don't be so hasty to lament what you don't have yet. Enjoy your bit of freedom, it'll be over soon enough. And stop judging your life by what you see of others. Everyone has their problems, we just like to pretend to the outside world that we're fine but what goes on behind the scenes is very different to the polished veneer.

image
I can see the motivation in this for sure, maybe next time he'll check to see who's bike he's stealing
lollol

Check this out, we even have those pesky bike thieves here in Cape Town:

Hmmmmmm,don't know about this one,I've had ostrich burgers,but never bear burgers,so I'd have to say the bear wins this onelol
Oh, definitely. Nobody's perfect, I know that, but sometimes it just feels like other people are making more of their lives than I am.
I suppose it depends how you look at it, you think they are ahead of you moving into their own houses, established jobs etc but don't forget you've 'sacrificed' a couple of years studying, I think you'll find it worth it in the end. And the irony is that they are probably looking at you with envy wishing they'd taken the time to study. It's all relative!

Besides you must be doing something right, you're friends with metonguelol

I can totally relate to that, if I don't have somewgere to go I don't go out and with me being and unemployed addict its not very often at all. I go to the chemist on a saturday for my methadone for the week and after that it could be the following saturday when I next cross my front door.
But its not an unwwillingness to do new stuff, if I get the chance I'm game for pretty much anything but at this stage I'm trying to cut my methadone dose till I get off that shit and a lot of the time after a drop I feel so shitty I know if I go out I'll see somebody and end up using something and because I was on heroin for so long pretty much every single person I bump into is or was on it.
But then again that could be a self made excuse to stop me getting off my ass, I'll know soon enough when I'm off it.
That said when I was actively using heroin I never stayed in, I literally went out on a thursday and came home on tuesday or whatever and it was before mobile phones I had my parents worried sick so part of me staying in is to let them know I'm OK, I've put them under far to much stress over the past few years decades. Again I'm making excuses.
Your story is similar to my baby brother's story as well (ruptured discs from a bad car accident>painkillers>heroin>methadone). He could only dose daily on the methadone program, so he drove 50 miles to and from the clinic every single day...his entire world was dose based.

He found some real help in a suboxone program (opioid blocker). In a year, he has a house, job and co-custody of his children again...and some actual happiness for the first time in decades.

I have no idea your circumstances, but I wanted to throw that out there. I wish you the best.
I'v so many old friends here in the hood who I run into and their lives all based around their methadone days, didn't know there was other options, hopefully those drugs are allowed & used in Canada, thanks for the info Sedonaloveliness

Remember the effort you put in writing this blog?
And while doing that listen to:
I, too, live the life of a retired pensioner, because I am a retired pensioner. It's really good. To be honest, it's all I've ever really wanted. A little new experience now and then can be uplifting - but let's not overdo it. Also, it helps to develop a taste for fine wines, liqueurs and brandies: I particularly recommend Armagnac, a fine and smooth French brandy.

All the best, brother. drunk
Blastie same here. No job. No school. No research scholarship. Sitting at home and studying. Yuck. I understand you perfectly. But I dont give up hope. The amount of study I'm doing will reap rewards. Of that I'm sure. So I keep going and try to be creative in small, quirky ways to clear the boredom. Like I cook. I write. I sing. I learn new languages. I read non-fiction beyond my interests. Last night I read a geography book. I have absolutely no use of geography but I love reading and it was refreshing. I also like to keep my room clutter-free. I don't want to be sucked in the negative spiral. Make sure you're mixing your innate creativity in your everyday life. I never follow a to-do list or routine. That doesnt work for me. I like to do things in my own way.
Yup, I know that, am not over it yet, and work on it. I feel it's a kind of inertia induced by a lack of direction and a tendency to idle. It helps to give oneself a push and change one's mode of life, though one must really be ready for it or else it runs counter to what one deep down prefers - remain at sea and idle - and leads to tension and relapse with its attending self-reproach (and the last thing we need is a guilt trip!).
Also, philosophically speaking, every single moment, every single breathe, is my first and last - thus every moment is new and lost forever. If I keep this in mind when navigating life, every instance spend in this world appears fresh, irrecoverable, and precious.
Perpetual inactivity does not exist - do not judge yourself harshly and stand by yourself regardless of what others may think because you are in fact active in your very own way - only if this way feels seriously worn and tiresome to you, I advise you take another one to regain your happiness.

Last edited by watertiger, yesterday

You should buy a goat. lol

image

Sorry, it is too early to me for deep thoughts. chuckle
I guffawed my coffee outta my nose, that goat looks like omg that face is hilarious...roflroflcrycryroflrofl
lol that was so stupid
I can recommend goat owning - NEVER a dull moment!! I even wrote a blog about his antics - ask crept... creptsu... Oh, you know who I mean: Eddie. He hosted the blog (and may also be a goat, but I'm not sure!)

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